Scriptcat’s MY BLANK PAGE is blessed to have a guest blogger for the second time— the talented screenwriter Mark Dark ( @MarkDarkStory).
Got a cool concept for a TV series? Worried it’s not getting the attention it deserves?
Even the best ideas get rejected before that magical ‘yes’ comes. Some of the greatest books ever written were rejected: Watership Down, Harry Potter… we’re in good company. You can imagine some famous TV series being rejected by a studio exec who think he knows what’s gonna work and what isn’t:
“What? A mafioso mob boss goes to see a shrink about his depression? Get outa here!”
OR
“A chemistry teacher becomes a meth dealer to pay for his cancer op? Are you crazy?”
Here’s how I imagine another famous TV series being pitched, dropped, and crunched.
STUDIO EXEC
So, your hero’s a serial killer.
WRITER
Yep.
EXEC
No body likes serial killers.
WRITER
Sure they do.
STUDIO EXEC
Look, kid, I know it sounds crummy, but characters are like cookies, they gotta be digestible.
WRITER
Wow, characters are like cookies. Never thought of that before. Cool.
EXEC
We’re here to learn, kid.
WRITER
This character is digestible. He’s your boy-next-door type, good-looking, great job…
EXEC
What’s his job? Cop?
WRITER
Kind of —
EXEC
Two words. Cli. Che.
WRITER
But he’s not a cop.
EXEC
Cop but not a cop.
WRITER
He’s an analyst.
EXEC
Sorry, kid. Too Criminal Minds.
WRITER
Forensics.
EXEC
Too Bones.
WRITER
He’s a blood guy.
EXEC
Does he kill zombies?
WRITER
He doesn’t kill zombies. He’s a blood splatter analyst.
EXEC
People love zombie-killers. Think Buffy.
WRITER
The vampire slayer?
EXEC
Now, your regular, boy-next-door, blood splatter what-ever-you-call it… why does he do it ?
WRITER
Analyze blood? He’s —
EXEC
Not analyze blood. Kill, kid? Why does he kill?
WRITER
He kills bad people: murderers, rapists…
EXEC
He’s a vigilante ?
WRITER
Yep.
EXEC
Like Batman.
WRITER
Not like Batman. He doesn’t wear a cape.
EXEC
Shame. People love Batman.
WRITER
They do love Batman. He’s not Batman.
EXEC
Batman the Zombie Slayer… now that I could sell.
WRITER
Sorry… this guy’s… different…
EXEC
Everyone’s different, kid. This is Hollywood. I need the same. Same, but different.
WRITER
Right, er… got it.
EXEC
Okay, so… your hero serial killer, he kills bad guys. But why?
WRITER
He has a “ghost”.
EXEC
A ghost? Now you’re pitching. Paranormal Activity. Blair Witch. Big bucks, kid. Big bucks. Does he see dead people?
WRITER
He doesn’t see dead people.
EXEC
Shame. People love dead people.
WRITER
It’s not a real ghost… it’s… metaphorical… a past trauma… he watched his mom murdered when he was a kid.
EXEC
And his mom’s the ghost, come back to haunt him?
WRITER
Um… not exactly…
EXEC
Look, kid. Don’t take it personally: your concept sucks. Write “Batman Kills the Zombies” gimme a call.
You know your idea is superb. Someone else will think so too. Don’t give up! You just have to knock the right door!
Mark Dark is an actor and a writer. He’s currently adapting his gritty, London gangland short story Man or Mouse into a feature film called The Judge of Petticoat Lane for a UK BAFTA nominated producer. He trained as an actor at the Italia Conti Academy of Theatre Arts and studied screenwriting at the New Producers Alliance, London.
His short story Man or Mouse also won the British Writers’ Forum Short Fiction Prize. Other writing awards include the Ether Books Award for “Best Use of Social Media.”
Mark currently lives in Cambodia where he spends his time teaching and working on the screenplay of The Judge of Petticoat Lane. Visit his website MarkDark.com and follow him on Twitter @MarkDarkStory.
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